Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated

Been a while nad have been inspired by my wonderful freind Lisa to start again.
So here we are in September and of all the great targets I set myself in the new year I have acheived.........Mmm lets see........................Nil nada zero.

Weight Loss ....not so much loss as gain of 7 lbs
Pregnant yet.................no just look like I am
Confidence levels......................MMmm still below ground

Happy, well there I have achieved success. I was a little, shall we say disillusioned with my relationship, but a weekend away blew my mind with ow much I do love my husband. I know that is not fashionable, but it's true. Yes he drives me up the wall, yes he still thinks I love him for his bodily functions ( well some I do!), yes he snores like a freight train, and yes he insist on talkiunf through Greys Anatonmy, butyou know what he puts up with my lack of house keeping skills, my totally unsexy nighttie attire, my weight gain, my swearng and HE STILLS LOVES ME!

So there you go, inspired by my wonderful girlfirend Lisa I intend to re focus on my goals,, and keep in mind
CLAP
be CONFINDENT
LISTEN
ASK questions
be POSITIVE

Luvs ya

Family

This is my family

Patrick, girls and Val my Mum in Law. I miss my parents, sister and nephews so very much. When I was home in the UK before finally moving to Canada I heard so many people saying that they wanted to emigrate, and three people I knew were in the process of emigrating to NZ and Australia. I do ot think they consider the pain of being seperated from your family.

Every little set back in life seems harder to bear without the support network of friends and family.

Don't get me wrong I truly love the in-laws, but it will NEVER replace Mum, Dad and AJ. So much day to day stuff happens and is forgotten.

Still enough moan and groan, life is good at the moment, whilst I struggle with my fears 24-7, I am on a good perod at the moment and I am feeling positive. It is so damnhard to keep that positive feeling, I always feel ike everybody else gets it and I don't. I would dearly love to be able to see how people 'see' me.

Ali

Wednesday 8th March 2006

Today it snowed, for the love of Peter Beardsley, it's MARCH!!! Thankfully it had all disappeared by 4pm , so the drive home was not as stressful as I was dreading.

My eldest step daughter got her school report today, and it was better than we anticipated, though still not all she can acheive, so she is awaiting the arrival of her father with equal measures of dread and acceptance of her fate, oh to be 13 again!

I attended Toastmasters and still cannot get my shaking to stop, people comment on how confident I appear, though I assume they are being kind as I think I must look a nervous wreck, but still proud that I overcome my fear and face the challenge.

My freind made me feel good today, without realising it. I have always been conscious that I have a loud voice, and yet today she commented that I need to speak up! Following my 7 years in the desert I had come away with the belief that I am Foghorn Leghorn, and it it always pleases me when people dismiss the assumption, I know that they are just being kind, but they will never realise how much it means to me. Chipping away at the misconceptions laid in place over 7 years.

Anyways I am now off to have a soak as it is my Hubbies turn to cook ....so that will be pizza then LOL.

Mermaid Song

I forgot to mention where the name of my site comes from

Stand up T S Eliot and take a bow , though maybe in your current state you should stay laying down. The Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock is my favourite poem ever. As an easily influenced 17 year old I was introduced to the poem by my A Level Lit teacher , Heather, and fell in love instantly. It is a poem about not fitting in, and feeling like everybode else 'gets it'.

Near the end of the poem the lines;
I have heard the mermaids sing each to each
They will not sing to me...
Those lines always hit me hard, and make me feel sad. But they also make me realise that the mermaids sing all day and all night, every day and every night, you just have to remember to listen for them.

So there you go.

Newbie

Tuesday 7th March 2006

My georgous friend Krista has finally inspired me to start a blog!! After searching the vacant lot that is my brain, I finally rested upon the idea that it could be a fun(mmmm) way for my friends back home in the UK to keep up to date on the drama that is my so called life.

Though perhaps today was not the best day to start!!! I have neither an interesting life, nor am I a great philosopher on life, I can't even offer any handy hints on how to make dinner interesting week on week.

I guess the most exciting thing about me is that I left the safety and eccentricity of my homeland, England, to live on the beautiful west coast of Canada. Initially a final fling at freedom, my travels across Canada last exactly 42days, as on that day I met my wonderful husband. So here I am 6500 miles from home, and despite being here for 2years, still woefully and tremendously homesick.

I have two amazing step daughters, and the cutest dog, and yes I am 35 with no children of my own, so he is for all intents and purposes , my baby.

I am TRYING to quit the weed and NOT gain weight (NO CHANCE). All the books , websites and experts say keep you hands busy, hence the blog.

So Day one.....Woke to grey skies, and rain...go figure it's Vancouver. Work for a change was a breeze. Home to the girls as Hubby is working late fixing my car, though how he gets it into the bar is quite a mystery???Mmmmm. Following yet another heart to heart with my eldest SD, dinner was consumed and SD's disappeared to bemoan the fact that SM just does not understand what it like to be young (more on that later).

So before finding homes for laundry, homes other than the floor, I though I would take the plunge and start a blog.

So there I've done it, I've started, put it out there, see you soon